In all these years of trying to empower women, we have been successful to some extent but still have a long journey to cover.
Education and employment has given women a lot of freedom in terms of being independent. However I would like to take up a scenario and discuss how helpless a women can feel inspite of a good education and work experience.
The concept of marriage arise from the fact that a girl, a women so called a weaker gender needs security and someone to protect her all her life.
She is parents responsibility until she is married but the whole pressure of getting her married is because parents are worried about her well being once they aren’t there to look after her. That security doesn’t come with a job, well earned money, independence but it comes full proof with a man who is willing to hold a daughters hand and be by her side all along as her parents were.
There are instances where women are doing great in their career, are self independent but parents are
still worried and unhappy because she isn’t married. The sense of security that comes with the word marriage cannot match up with anything else as per our society.
But rarely we realise marriage is a beginning of a new chapter in a women’s life. It’s not the continuation of who she is and what has she achieved. Ideally speaking a women who is educated, self independent, matured should progress in life after marriage. She is a grown individual who knows the basics of life. If the family she goes in welcomes her with open arms and accepts her for who she is and her freedom like any other adult, she should be equally free to talk, discuss and act as anyone else. That’s when it’s considered a secure place and a progress to a girls life.
But in reality when a girl gets married and goes in a new household, she is treated as if she knows nothing and whatever she has learnt all these years of her life is not how they wanted. It’s different in their house (boys house) and that’s the right way.
Now, everyone looks up to the new women in the house for every single thing that needs to be done. apart from adapting to their ways, she should forget that she has any individuality. Forget what you like, learned, did and just be good at taking instructions from the mom in law especially and do exactly how she likes and you are the best daughter in law.
In simple words, just do how they say, eat what they like, wear what they want and live life their way and believe me they aren’t asking for much yet. This is expected out of every marriage and you should be ready to surrender your freedom as the first rule of marriage.
Dare not complain or even say anything that might hurt their feelings. Not even jokingly. Jokes are to be taken seriously when targeted at in laws.
Women if lucky gets to continue her work but that isn’t counted anyway. She must ensure the
household stuff, food, cooking, cleaning and other stuff is well taken care of. She must make time for all of it within her working schedule.
Once she becomes a mother, she has no choice but to leave her work and look after the baby and the other responsibilities that were a part of her profile.
Now, she actually becomes a super woman and within those same number of hours does double the work she did earlier. She adjusts to the increasing demand of life by cutting down on her sleep, her personal space and life.
Is that every girl grow up to become or Is this the kind of security every parent look for their daughters ??
The worst is one fine day if she decides to be bold and make life better for herself and her children, she has no where to go.
For instance, a woman who sacrifices everything to make the family happy. She looks after the house, the family, children and is also working hard to earn some extra bucks for the family is treated badly, not respected by the spouse and the family members she gave everything for. What choice is she left with ?
Either stay in a marriage that is nothing less than a hell. Suffer all her life and see kids suffering too.
Take a stand now to move out of this hell if not for herself, at least for the sake of her children, what choices are she left with ??
If she decides to walk out of the house,she has no place to go to. The only option she has is to go back to parents house which add to the misery of parents and the daughter herself because no daughter wants to hurt their parents and bring bad name to them.
What about the financial security? What ensures her an instant job that allows her to take care of her children’s needs of education and other expenses ?
There are so many women living in hell and are dying everyday by being trapped in a bad marriage. If given a choice they would not think even twice before walking out of their disturbing marriages but do they have a choice?
These women needs to be empowered and our society must have arrangements or support for these women who are stuck and depressed in their lives.
It’s a big decision to call for a divorce but to walk away with children without any help or support is just a big threat to the women as well as the kids.
A financial security along with the place to live is the least that is required for women to be able to live independently, freely, securely and continue life her way. If we really need to bring a difference in women’s life this is what our government, women sanstha and society needs to provide. Else women will be left to their destiny and life would never be better.
How many of you are living the life you desired? Are you one of those women who have lived their lives on someone else’s terms and continue to do so ? Share your stories or someone you know who relates to above scenarios.